The Importance of Family Dinner
I like having family dinner. My life is super busy. I have a wife and four kids between the ages of 8 and 16. Finding time to be intentional together for all six of us is beginning to become less often than I’d like. We have to work harder to plan intentional family time. Whether that be board games, a family movie night, weekend trips, or adventures to go hiking or rafting, I believe that intentional time spent together is what builds the family unit and strengthens that bond.
You always hear the saying, “The small things become the big things.” The older I get, the more true it becomes. It’s not the sophisticated lecture I’ve planned, the massive family vacations, or elaborate gifts that teach the lesson. It’s the small noticed habits of discipline, or asking for forgiveness when I’ve lost my cool and yelled, or other innocuous moments that get imprinted on your children. (Read my tribute to my dad here to see what I mean.) Family dinner is a small thing. It’s literally just doing one of our daily chores (eating to survive) and doing it together. However, it’s actually much more than that.
No matter how busy I am, and as often as we can (1-5 times a week, depending on our schedule), we sit down between 5:30 and 6:30 pm to eat family dinner. Sometimes it’s less formal and consists of leftovers. But we’ve usually taken the time to cook something, cleared the table off (even if it’s just moving it to the island countertop), and set the table. We take time as a family to pray and bless the food, and thank God for our blessings. We spend time asking each other and talking about our day. Usually in the format of High-Low-Buffalo. High being a good thing. Low being a mild negative (without too much complaining), and Buffalo being a random fact or interesting story from the day. My youngest, Ben, always loves to go first!
This informal ritual of family dinner may only last between ten to thirty minutes. However, I usually come away from it reenergized and grateful to have invested quality time with my family. It may not mean as much to my children as it does to me, but I believe that in time, as they grow older, they will learn to appreciate it.
Having deployed for eleven months in 2022 with the Army, I spent many meals alone. Sure, I had a fair amount of meals with fellow soldiers, friends, and acquaintances, but often I ate many meals alone. From chow halls, to MREs, to pizza hut pizzas by myself (ask to see my camera roll from 2022), I had many episodes of solitude to think and ponder at will. Sometimes, that was nice to enjoy the quiet. You could think, reflect, and plan in silence without interruptions. Other times, you were stuck in negative emotions without a peer to change the subject and distract you, or potentially cheer you up. Occasionally, I’d just be in robot mode and not be thinking of much of anything other than rating the quality of the food that day. It doesn’t bother me most of the time to eat alone. That wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but there is a reason that many experiences across many cultures revolve around food and eating dinner together. It binds people together and reminds you of your humanity at a basic level. In essence, who you eat your meals with becomes your “de facto” family.
Very similar to fitness, consistency and routine are what build progress. The same can be said of family meals. Whoever your family is at your meals, the more you consistently eat with them, the more you grow as a unit. You hear stories and insights from your family members and learn to appreciate their perspective. This helps you grow your own knowledge and perspective. This consistency can become an informal or even formal tradition.
I asked people I know to tell me what family dinner means to them. Multiple people talked about how “every Friday night” or “every evening on the trip” was designated as family dinner time. It allowed for connection, retelling the adventures of the day, and building camaraderie and closeness within the group. The shared experiences of food, fun, laughter, and stories helped reinforce the bond and strength of the family.
I’ve written a short book on “life advice” for my kids. I’ve tried to include high-level and detailed information on what I believe to be important aspects of life and how to be successful in areas such as faith, career, relationships, and adulting etc. I think that is a valuable tool, and hopefully, they will find value in that someday.
However, I do believe the small things will also make a huge difference in their life. The “I love you” squeeze hugs, the small notes in the lunch box, and the ice-cream trips will be the things they remember. My favorite “small thing” is to show up for family dinner, over and over again, and I know it will reap dividends in our family unit and the connection we have.
Whether we get busy or if the kids grow up and move away, we will always have the dinner table to come back to and gather together to share food, stories, laughter, and love. It’s hard to argue that anything could be more important, or a way to show love to your family. So if you don’t already, I challenge you to sit together and share your stories and build your own “Family Dinner.”
Until next time!
-Derek
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